I'm jealous of your bromance
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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