I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
