i don't plan on having that self control this summer
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
