So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
