Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
