I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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