3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
