i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
