We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
