from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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