I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
True strength comes from lack of pants
Everclear isn't food dammit
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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