Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
