OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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