I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
