i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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