I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
