I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
