I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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