dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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