I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
