A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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