The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want nice things and good sex
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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