I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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