Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
