We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
