I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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