nut hugger
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
