I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
