dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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