idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
