He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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