There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
