What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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