U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
