I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
