this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
