So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
