i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
