I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
