90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
