i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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