Screwed.edu
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
