just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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