I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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