Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
