"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
