I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
