Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
