I have demons in me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
