no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
