Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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